WPA3-KCIA Radio · Single
Can't Read Down, Can't Write Up
Jarrett Heintz · 2:52
- Security Models
- Everything, A to Z
Lyrics
- Welcome to Security Theory 101.
- Today we’ll learn two models you’ll never use in real life.
- Let’s ruin your weekend. Again.
- Bell-LaPadula, say it with pride,
- It’s all about confidentiality, classified!
- “No read up” — keep those secrets tight,
- “No write down” — don’t leak 'em left or right!
- It’s a military dream, clearance-based thrill,
- But don’t try applying it — you probably never will.
- Mandatory access? That’s cute, I guess.
- Ever tried enforcing this mess?
- Can’t read down, can’t write up,
- Security rules that don’t give a pup.
- Bell-LaPadula and Biba, too,
- Just memorize it — it won’t help you.
- Models on paper, tests on screen,
- Real-world ops? Nah, we use routine. 🎶
- Now here comes Biba — that integrity bro,
- The opposite rules, yeah, down we go!
- “No write up,” that’s what it’s got,
- Or your low-trust files might ruin the lot.
- “No read down” — you’ll get bad data trash,
- It's all about stopping that unverified splash.
- So Bell says, “Don’t spill the beans,”
- And Biba says, “Don’t trust those memes!”
- Bell is for secrets, Biba for trust,
- Both are essential... in books we dust.
- Try mapping this to modern-day cloud?
- Your dev team will revolt — out loud.
- Can’t read down, can’t write up,
- Security hoops just to fill your cup.
- Bell-LaPadula — sounds like a spell,
- And Biba? Just Biba. Ain’t that swell?
- You’ll never use it, but it’s on the test,
- So chant it like gospel and hope for the best. 🎶
- So here’s to controls that no one applies,
- To acronyms burned in our poor student eyes.
- We memorize models from 1973,
- While hackers just laugh and exfil the tree...