Cover art for We Didn't Start the Session

WPA3-KCIA Radio · Single

We Didn't Start the Session

Jarrett Heintz · 5:30

  • Identity & Access
  • Build It Right
  • Everything, A to Z
  • Identity Hour
Play on WPA3-KCIA Radio

Lyrics

  1. Still booted, not computed
  2. We’re queued up, but not rebooted
  3. Somebody pressed the button, now the logs are stressin'
  4. But hey—we didn't start the session
  5. Clock ticks slow in the waiting room
  6. Zoom link spinning like impending doom
  7. Somebody patched prod at half past eight
  8. Now the backlog’s screaming, "It might be too late"
  9. Tickets stacking, DAGs are slacking
  10. Scripts went wild, now Jenkins’ cracking
  11. We’re locked out, permissions guessing
  12. But don’t blame us—we didn't start the session
  13. We didn't start the session
  14. It was always pending, since the first provisioning
  15. We didn't start the session
  16. Though we keep tryin’, tasks keep multiplying
  17. W-S-L meltdown, Dock-er won’t comply
  18. Koo-ber-net-eez nodes just forgot how to fly
  19. AI chatbot pushing random configs
  20. Sysadmin crying into cold coffee swigs
  21. Phishing link clicked by "that one guy"
  22. Security roaring like "comply or die"
  23. Audit team lurking, full-court pressin'
  24. Still no kickoff—we didn't start the session
  25. We didn't start the session
  26. It was always waiting, pipelines recalculating
  27. We didn't start the session
  28. Though we keep typing, someone’s misconfig’s multiplying
  29. Prod is down, morale is shook
  30. PM swears the blame’s in "this other book"
  31. Servers fried, alerts confessin'
  32. But we’re still idle—we didn't start the session
  33. Firmware update bricked the fleet
  34. VPN flakes, can't stay in the seat
  35. AC died in the data hall
  36. Someone said, "It’s fine, just let it fall"
  37. Shadow IT with a shared password
  38. CISO whispering "this is absurd"
  39. PagerDuty screaming like Armageddon
  40. Arguin’ GIF or JIF mid-session
  41. But nope—still no session to get in
  42. Mainframe legacy, Co-bahl terror
  43. DNS loopback mirror error
  44. IPv6 with a routing sneeze
  45. Bee Gee Pee flapping like it's lost its keys
  46. Ransom note on a Quartz display
  47. "Pay in crypto or we’ll ruin your day"
  48. SRE pacing, nerves regressin'
  49. Still no kickoff—we didn't start the session
  50. Shadow pipeline running wild at night
  51. Terraform drift giving SecOps fright
  52. Logs rotating into hyperspace
  53. Some intern "fixed it" in the wrong namespace
  54. Smart fridge mining until it died
  55. QA swears "the tests all lied"
  56. Scrum board buried, stress compressin'
  57. Still no meeting—we didn't start the session
  58. Zero-day knocking on the firewall door
  59. Pentest shouting "it’s a 9.4"
  60. Root cert expired across the land
  61. P K I crying "this was not the plan"
  62. Email storm from a rogue device
  63. Helpdesk rolling digital dice
  64. Shadow SaaS with no confession
  65. Still no meeting—we didn't start the session
  66. Git commit pushed straight to main
  67. Rollback chant becomes refrain
  68. Lambda looping without rest
  69. API throttles fail the test
  70. Old RAID array in a final spin
  71. Network team whispering "not again"
  72. All-hands panic, stress aggressin'
  73. Still on standby—we didn't start the session
  74. Memory leak in a flagship app
  75. Garbage collector taking a nap
  76. CDN outage coast to coast
  77. Dashboard flatline raising ghosts
  78. MDM glitch locking out phones
  79. FinOps screaming about unknown zones
  80. PM claims "we planned this lesson"
  81. Still no cameras—we didn't start the session
  82. Printer uprising in HR hall
  83. Three-ton stack of paper sprawl
  84. Legacy ERP stuck in loop
  85. Chat thread blaming the wrong group
  86. Sam-uhl tokens set to fail
  87. Oh-auth blowing a permission gale
  88. Password reset forms distressin'
  89. Still no kickoff—we didn't start the session
  90. Cloud bill spike from "mystery load"
  91. I A C drift in chaos mode
  92. Orphaned volumes hiding fees
  93. Billing asks "were these… supposed to be?"
  94. AI assistant spawns new clones
  95. All of them speaking in monotones
  96. Tech debt mountain ever-pressin'
  97. Still not started—we didn't start the session
  98. We didn't start the session
  99. It was always pending, chaos never-ending
  100. We didn't start the session
  101. But when it loads up, maybe we’ll clean the mess up
  102. Still booted, not computed
  103. Deploy’s muted, sprint’s disputed
  104. We’re all here, patiently stressin'
  105. But let the record show—we didn't start the session
  106. But we will... start the session, that is